The Casino Crawl. Not gonna lie. I was looking forward to this Crawl for quite a while. Unfortunately the day doesn’t get of to a good start. I think we agreed to meet at 10 in the Sports book but a VPC meeting at 10 pretty much means anytime between 8 and 12.
I coincidently meet Baars in the hotel hallway and he seems a little rattled. Baars found another thing he could loose in Vegas last night. Beside bundles of cash he managed to loose the following rather imported object on this trip; his passport.
Baars is pretty sure he got rolled on the Strip yesterday while snapping a picture of the bum below. At first I think losing a passport isn’t the worst thing that could happen. I mean, it probably happens thousands of times per year and it’s not like we are in the middle of the rainforest in some banana republic. Right? Wrong.
Baars was tearing apart his hotel room last night trying to find the passport and spend the rest of the night on the phone with the Netherlands trying to find out what to do. That didn’t go to well with roommate Hugo who could really use some sleep so it’s safe to say there was a lot of tension in room number 12060 this morning.
Around noon it’s getting clear that Baars is going to be occupied with the passport troubles for quite a while so we head for breakfast at Subway and discuss what to do. Postponing the Crawl isn’t an option since we have the other days planned out with a hotel room downtown tomorrow and Santana plans for Wednesday. Crawling on the last day doesn’t seem like the best plan hangover wise.
We’re hanging around the sports book when Baars tells us to just go ahead with the Crawl, he will join later. While waiting we we’re betting the ponies for a while and came up with the following ‘brilliant’ idea. Mirage gives you a drinking ticket with every bet. That’s awesome. With the ‘one drink in every Casino’ rule scoring drinks at bars could become quite an expensive exercise unless you’re willing to hang around the slots until a waitress shows up. And lets face it, ain’t nobody got time for that.
So, we chance the rules for the Crawl. The Scots may be the founders of the legendary Crawl but the rules aren’t written in stone I imagine so we’re going to bet the ponies in every Casino and sit comfortably while grinding our drinks. Roulette is the game for casino’s that have no sports book.
First stop is of course Mirage. We bet the ponies and start this drinking binge with a Corona. One of our ponies wins but he was somewhat favorite so we loose a couple of bucks. On our way to Treasure Island Baars calls as the Dutch consulate needs our flight details. He also adds that he has to go to freaking San Francisco to get a new passport. Whut? I can’t believe what I’m hearing but when I google that **** I find out that losing a passport in the USA is not an easy game. Unreal.
In Treasure Island the first leaks in our not so waterproof pony bet Crawl plan become visible. We only get two drinking tickets. Well f*ck. Luckily the waitress is helping out and brings four Corona’s. Our two best horses get slow rolled on the last five meters by some fokking favorite and we run for the hills and the next Casino.
We stayed in Circus Circus back in ‘09 so we have to stop there for our regular trip down memory lane. Slots – A – Fun can’t be skipped of course but without a Sports book and no live roulette we have to bet 14 (no success) on a electronic machine an score beers at the bar. Circus Circus sports book sucks so it’s a quick beer and 14 (no success) before we cross the street towards Riviera. No drinking tickets, no winning ponies and no 14 make Riviera a stop to forget rather quickly.
The walk towards Wynn is way to long to not drink so we score beers at a gift shop. There is a tattoo and piercings shop on the corner and Iebus thinks getting our dicks pierced would be a good memorabilia for this Crawl. Now, within a nanosecond Bozzie rejects the idea with the following remark; “Hell no, Moon (his girlfriend) will get furious when she finds out next Christmas”. I have to grab a street sing to not fall on the ground after that one.
We miss 14 in the Encore and we’re still chewing on the monster beer can from hell so it’s of to the Wynn Sports book. The ponies fail miserably so the Corona’s are getting more expensive but the booze is starting to work and no one cares anymore so it’s ponies and roulette from now on. No 14 in Wynn.
The Stadium Lazard in the Venetian is open but the bookies are not so it’s a quick Budweiser and on to bricking the 14 once more. Baars called that he’s ready to join and we agree to meet in the Venetian. Now this is where things - and our discipline - go south. It’s pretty busy in the Venetian for a Monday afternoon so it’s full throttle roulette (we have added the 8 & 11 by now), blackjack and wheel of fortune. Also, we have at least five drinks until we realize Baars is still not around. We call him and he couldn’t find us and went back to Mirage…. New rendezvous is Casino Royale and we finally find our lost son.
We decide to screw the ponies and just bet 14, 8 & 11 from now on. We brick all numbers in every possible way and things are a bit of a blur until we reach Flamingo. I have no idea what time it is but since we didn’t start this Crawl till 2AM it’s dinnertime and we want some serious steak. We had a real good diner at the last night of our last trip at Outback Steakhouse so it’s back to Casino Royale where we tear this epic steak apart.
To continue the Crawl with a bang we hit the Tequila bar that is attached to the Quad. Apparently there are about 40 kinds of Tequila. I answer ‘The one that hurts’ to the question which one we want. And it does. No roulette hits in Flamingo, Ballys or Paris but we manage to grab several drinks while spinning the Wheel of Fortune in Bally’s.
Disaster strikes in Planet Hollywood. On my way to the Roulette table Iebus interrupts me and tells me there is a hot girl on the other roulette wheel and that we should definitely take that one. Needless to say we brick and the very unattractive Chinese guy on the other wheel turn a magical 14. Fok. Our. Lives.
The walk towards MGM is way to long so we buy beers at a shop again. No 14 in MGM and we once again lose Baars. Baars has to go to the restroom and we wait RIGHT IN FRONT of the restroom. About 10 minutes later Baars calls wondering were we are. Really?
Hooters. No roulette hit and one drink. Tropicana. No roulette hit and we get out asap. Bricking roulette has the spirits down and Bozzie reminds us for the 25th time today that he is 40 years old and way to old for this sh*t as he’s been reminding us all week with every single activity that he is 40 years old and way to old for this sh*t.
Mandalay Bay and Luxor are out of question by now. Foots are starting to hurt especially by Baars who used to sneakers but is wearing his nice shoes for the occasion. No hits in Excalibur but the miracle happens and we bink an 8 in New York New York to keep us alive. Bozzie was hoping we ran out of mutual funds giving him an valid excuse to jump in the first available cap so he’s much displeased with the hit.
No hit in Monte Carlo and out asap. We’ve abandoned the one drink a casino rule as our bodies are deteriorating fast and we ain’t no fokking Scots! We miss at Aria and Baars can no longer take the walking as you can see in the movie below. Iebus and Baars grab a cap as Bozzie, Hugo and I continue our roulette bricking quest. No hit in Cosmo but about 150 hot broad’s waiting to get into Marquee make up for that. No hits in Bellagio or Caesars Palace and with about 80 Crawl dollars left we make it back to Mirage. We put a tenner on the 14 eight times but is wasn’t meant to be today.
Bozzie and Iebus are of to bed. Baars changed his shoes and goes on his regular Black Jack mission. Hugo and I sit down in the 1/2 game and I witness Hugo butcher two hand like you wouldn’t believe it.
We are on the river in a $ 40,- pot. The board reads FOUR spades, no board pair. Hugo’s opponent (Hal Lubarsky, the blind guy you might have seen on ESPN during WSOP episodes) bets pot. Hugo raises to $ 100,-. Hal min raises to $ 160,-. Hugo calls. Number of spades in Hugo’s hand? Zero. Hugo had a set.
Hugo reloads and two hands later calls a raise oop and 4-bet ships KJ on KQ7. Never in my live did I see anyone go all-in with so little confidence. The opponent has 77 and Hugo walks away. Now, in the past I had trouble with seeing Hugo lose especially when he was even more clueless at the poker table but now the tears are rollin’ straight into my Vodka Lime. I’m nearly pissing myself in laughter and have to walk away from the table for several minutes.
I play for a couple of hours and than see how Baars is doing at Black Jack. Not good. I know sh*t about black jack but even I can see Baars is running terrible. When the last dollar is burned and he can’t even tip the waitress anymore we ‘re of to bed.
It was an awesome day that unfortunately started of rusty. After Venetian all discipline with regards to the rules was lost and a monster dinner perhaps isn’t best strategy with regard to an after dinner dip but we’ll most definitely do it again on our next trip.
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